Going through a relationship breakup is a terrible thing. As a friend of the heartbroken, don’t make it any worse. If a friend, colleague, family member or anyone you know goes through a breakup, make sure when you console them that you don’t say the wrong thing – even if they did the breaking up.
Since this is a sensitive, emotional time, it’s pretty easy to say something that can upset a heartbroken person who’s a bit on edge – so tread lightly. Here are 10 comments to avoid if you’re trying to be consoling and supportive:
1. “We didn’t like him/her anyway.” Really? So, you can speak for everyone? And this signals that you feel your friend has bad taste in people, which is never fun to hear. Thanks a lot, friends.
2. “You’re better off without her/him.” Obviously someone who’s been broken up with would most likely rather still be with this person, so this won’t make any sense to them. They’re upset because they are without their ex – aka, not better off.
3. Any of the following: “Oh just move on.” “Just forget about them.” “Get over it.” Easier said than done. Heartbreak recovery takes time. Especially if you’re in a committed, happy relationship, please do not let these words leave your lips.
4. “I’m so glad that didn’t work out.” Or worse, “We all knew from the start that wasn’t going to work out.” Glad to know everyone was talking about this and actually hoping for a failed relationship. Again, not fun to hear.
5. “It’s for the best – now you’ll be stronger for the next.” How can you be certain that this is for the best, or that this will make them stronger? Be careful not to be too know-it-all unless you are a relationship expert or therapist.
6. “There are other fish in the sea.” See #2 – the heartbroken person, at this moment in time, only wants ONE fish. They’re aware that there are others out there – you’re not imparting any great wisdom by saying this. Besides, this one is just too cliché.
7. “I know how you feel.” This one is touchy – you may, in fact, have been through something similar and know somewhat how they might be feeling. However, now is not the time to bring things back to you. This is their time and they want to tell their story…let them.
8. “You’ll get back together.” Saying this is slightly unsafe – you don’t want to give your friend false hope or add confusion to the situation.
9. “I told you so.” This isn’t fun to hear. Ever. About anything.
10. “Everything happens for a reason.” While this may be true, it’s simply not what they want to hear right now. Let them be the ones to figure this out…in their own time.
In short, be careful with your words, but don’t shy away completely. While some, or even all, of the above statements may be completely true, now is not the time to put salt in the wound. You can never go wrong with a sincere, “I’m sorry.” Be a good listener, and ask them what you can do to help. Your support and friendship is needed more than you know – but perhaps you can hold off on adding your two personal cents to the conversation until much later when the dust has settled.
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