6. Fantasize
It’s important to understand that sex, especially in a long-term relationship, is mental, Kerner said, therefore it’s important to spice things up.
“In sex, you often do the same things, rely on the same moves,” he said. “Share a fantasy. Or, if you feel your partner is lacking in attentiveness, instead of criticizing, express it in a sexy way.”
For example, try telling your partner you had a dream about him in which he was doing the sexual act you would like him to do, Kerner suggested. Then, perhaps you could show your partner what you mean, or initiate matters.
7. Pitch In
Men: If you want to get some action, it’s time to take some action. Maybe you weren’t getting any in 2008 because you weren’t doing enough about it in 2008.
Try helping around the house a little more and your female partner may suddenly be in the mood.
“A lot of women aren’t interested in sex because they have other things on their minds like chores, dirty dishes, and men can’t always appreciate that aspect,” Kerner said. “If men help and create an environment where women want to have sex, that’s really important.”
8. Don’t Fake It
Aim for honesty.
“One of the benefits of being in a relationship is that sex isn’t perfect — guys are subject to their issues, women are subject to theirs,” Kerner said. “If in ’08 you were saying something didn’t matter, [maybe] it does in ’09. Sex changes from year to year and ’09 is a new year.”
9. Love Nest
Does your bed still have those outdated sheets that the baby once peed on? Is your bedroom cluttered with laundry just waiting to be folded? Maybe it’s time to turn the bedroom into more of a “love nest,” Kerner said.
“Put a little more energy into your surroundings,” he said. “Create a surrounding that appeals to your senses.”
For starters, try buying new (satin, maybe?) sheets, some (scented) candles, pop a CD in the stereo and turn down the lights. You’re halfway there.
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