To boost your libido, you’ll need to first rid yourself of all your pre-conceived notions about sex. We live in an oversexed society, and it’s very easy to get a negative view of sex. Many women view sex as a chore or a burden. This is a dangerous attitude; it’s hard to get steamy and excited over a chore! Over the next several articles, we’re going to tear apart all those silly sex myths that you’ve probably heard a million times.
1. Only “women of ill repute” love sex.
HA!
This attitude is mostly prevalent in strict religious environments. I grew up in an independent, fundamental Baptist church, and sex was never talked about except as something wicked and dirty. Girls has strict dress codes to make them look as non-sexual as possible. Even marital sex wasn’t discussed; it was viewed as a necessary evil for making babies. I really think the Baptists would have preferred the stork, and I have a feeling that most of them don’t even know the meaning of words like “orgasm” or “clitoris”.
Though your church may be hush-hush about nooky, God isn’t so touchy. He actually wants married couples to get busy (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). And for some of the skankiest literature of all time, check out the Song of Solomon: the bride is totally horny for her man! In chapter 1, verse 4, she says: “Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers” (NIV).
That doesn’t exactly sound like “not tonight, honey, I have a headache”.
Here’s another thing: why would God even invent the clitoris if He didn’t expect us to enjoy sex? The clitoris has absolutely no useful function, sexual or otherwise, except for pleasure. Some researchers believe that the female orgasm exists as an enticement to get women into bed – the evolutionary drive to reproduce. In these days of so many birth control choices, the female orgasm is all about pleasure.
In case you aren’t convinced, men adore women who love sex. Your man drools over porn stars; why isn’t he drooling over YOU? It’s not because they’re hotter than you. They’re not. You’re probably smarter, more talented, and oh yeah – he loves YOU. He chose YOU. He already thinks you’re hot, but he’s turned on because porn stars love sex (or at least appear to).
2. Sex is overrated.
If you really think this, you clearly aren’t getting good sex. No woman who regularly has mind-blowing orgasms will tell you that sex is overrated. Now, an unlucky 10% of women have NEVER had an orgasm; if that’s you, it’s easy to see why you wouldn’t care about sex. However, there’s help for you! Later we’ll talk about techniques to get you off, even if you’ve never “gone there” before. Sex has other pluses besides orgasms, though, such as a deeper connection with your partner, and numerous health benefits.
3. No one is actually having porn-star sex.
Someone told me this just the other day. Her exact words: “No one is really having hot sex.”
What?! I’m having hot sex! And I’m not alone!
Studies show that monogamous women report a higher satisfaction with their sex lives, including having more orgasms. Both women and men report enjoying sex more when they have an emotional connection with their partner.
The bad news: studies also show that Christians report a lower satisfaction with their sex life! Are you kidding me?! We should be having the best sex, because we’re having sex within marriage, which is how God wants it. My husband and I realize that, and our sex life is off-the-charts: frequent, fabulous, and oh yeah – I orgasm every time.
How can I and other ordinary women be enjoying porn-quality sex?
More importantly, why aren’t you?
The idea that “no one is really having great sex” is very dangerous. It’s easy to let your sex life slide if you’re convinced that everyone else is being lazy in bed too.
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