4. It’s okay to fake a headache.
Deep down, you know he doesn’t believe you. Faking a headache is a worn-out trick, probably the most notorious excuse women give for refusing sex. He’s heard it a thousand times; he knows you’re not in the mood. Or at least, not in the mood for him.
Faking a headache is cruel for several reasons; for one thing, you’re denying your husband the intimacy – both physical and emotional – that he craves. For another thing, you’re lying to him. Do you really have a good reason for lying to your husband to avoid sex?
5. You probably can’t orgasm anyway.
Bah humbug on this sex myth. Unless you have a medical condition, you can orgasm. The main physical reason for inability to orgasm is nerve damage, such as from cutting the genitalia or from severe diabetes. Also, spinal cord damage can make orgasm impossible; but unless you’re a paraplegic or quadraplegic, you can orgasm – you just have to know how. And yes, we’ll be addressing this issue in-depth later.
6. Oral sex is gross.
It doesn’t have to be. If your man’s odor turns you off, let him know – and be clear and honest – “If you wash it, I will suck it”. He’ll run to the shower, believe me. If you can’t stand his genital hair, tell him to shave! He may complain about his masculinity, but if you promise more head (AND deliver), he’ll keep things trim.
Some women have a delicate gag reflex, and so refuse to give head. Actually, most men prefer oral sex around the head of their penis – that’s where most of the nerve endings are, and where most of their pleasure comes from. If it doesn’t gag you to eat food, it won’t gag you to put just his head in your mouth.
7. Pornography is bad for your sex life.
No one can argue that addiction to porn is bad. It’s disturbingly rampant, even in the church – one survey showed that 50% of Christian men and 20% of Christian women admitted to being addicted to porn. Even more scary: 37% of pastors admit to struggling with porn addiction. Addiction to online porn is a rising cause for divorce in America.
Addiction to anything is a problem. Addiction goes beyond a person’s normal behavior; it’s actually defined as “the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice”. Enslaved – that’s serious!
For example, 40-50% of American women are addicted to shopping, defined as shopping to a point where it interferes with their lives, relationships, and finances, making it an actual mental disorder. Shopping itself, however, is not wrong or evil. (Thank God.)
In moderation, and used appropriately (i.e., not in secret and NEVER around the kids), is not “evil”. It can actually be GREAT for your sex life. Many couples get very aroused watching erotic movies together. It adds a little extra pizzazz to the bedroom!
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that your husband expects you to do everything you see in porn. There are certain portrayals in porn that I view as distasteful, specifically certain anal practices. My husband tells me in all honesty that he has no desire to do those things to me – “There are just certain things you don’t do to your wife; it’s disrespectful,” he tells me. “But it’s fun to watch!”
That’s what porn is about: fantasy. A rich fantasy life improves your libido. Also, porn can give you creative sexual ideas to practice on your partner.
Don’t get me wrong: if you have a spiritual conviction against porn, I’m not saying to go against what the Holy Spirit tells you. Just don’t jump to conclusions. Have an open mind; openness and the willingness to experiment is what keeps your sex life HOT.
A last note on porn: even if you forbid your husband from watching porn, statistics show that he is going to watch it anyway – and hide it from you. This creates dishonesty within the relationship, and you’ll see other areas of your marriage crumbling as well.
Also, make no mistake: you can’t yell at him for his porn when you’re reading skanky romance novels. They’re usually very sexually graphic; that’s “women’s porn” and it’s the same concept as video porn.
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