If the answer to that above question is yes, then obviously your needs in and expectations of the relationship are not being met. The problem is that you feel like you come second and his friendships come first, when you assume that romantic relationships should work in the exact opposite way. By him spending so much time on the phone instead of with you, you’re feeling like you’re getting the short end of the stick when girlfriends should automatically get the long one. Problem is, sometimes in long-term relationships we start to take our partners for granted — we save all the good, fun, positive stuff for our friends, who we don’t feel we can burden with the heavy stuff, and then dump all the negative energy we may be carrying around on those closest to us: our romantic partners. It’s not fair, and it’s not right, but it often ends up working that way.
You should sit your boyfriend down for a gentle heart to heart and communicate all this to him. Explain how this behavior makes you feel. Admit it if some of these concerns are based, in part, on irrational jealousy and insecurities. We certainly wouldn’t endorse you demanding he sever all ties with any and all female friends, but we think it’s reasonable for you to ask him to put you first, to spend a little less time on the phone with them (at least when you’re around or need him), and to not drop everything (at least when you guys are having quality alone time) whenever his phone rings (that’s just the polite thing to do when spending face to facet time with someone, significant other or not).
As long as you play the sympathy card instead of the ultimatum card, then he should understand where you’re coming from and make some slight social alterations, out of respect. If he doesn’t, then maybe this isn’t the guy for you, and you should start looking for a someone who’s going to give you a hat or a button or a t-shirt that says “I’m #1!”
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