THE WHOLE HOOKUP HYSTERIA: It’s ridiculous, Fisher sighs. First of all, people have been hooking up for millions of years as a way of starting long-term relationships. “I’m doing a research project myself now with a graduate student at SUNY, Binghamton,” she says, “and he has asked 551 college students why they initiated a hookup. Half of the women and 52 percent of the men said they went into it hoping to trigger a longer relationship. And one third of them succeeded.”
THE ONE NIGHT STAND: Fisher explains that any kind of sexual stimulation drives up dopamine in the brain. And dopamine is associated with feelings of romantic love. On top of that, orgasm releases hormones that cause attachment. And then there’s the learning curve, or curves as the case may be: “You learn a HUGE amount about somebody when you to sleep with him—just a kiss activates 5 of the 12 cranial nerves,” she says referring to the senses. “You see his body, feel his rhythms, discover whether he cares enough for you to listen to your needs.”
AN IMPORTANT ASIDE: Condoms, ladies.
BACK TO COURTSHIP: “Basically,” Fisher says, “there are two ways to get the boy. Either you bed him right away and try to jump-start these brain systems for romantic love and attachment. Or you spend you spend a lot of time getting to know him and hope you can trigger those systems in other ways; then sleep with him. Each one works.”
BOTTOM LINE: As a scientist and girlfriend, what does she suggest? “I’ve tried both,” she tells me, laughing, pointing out that in a FWB situation one partner is probably wishing it will turn into something. “You really have to go with your gut. But personally, I think it’s wise to wait a few dates. Get to know him a little. Make sure he won’t just dump you. And make sure you actually like him. Something happens in the brain when you sleep with someone. Having sex is playing with fire. You could fall in love.”
What do you think? Wait or jump in?
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