LOSING your sex drive can feel very depressing and cause lots of problems in any relationship.
I’m not talking here about male erection problems or women finding it hard to reach orgasm – I can send you special leaflets if one of those is your problem – but just losing all desire to have sex, even though you have a reasonable relationship and willing partner.
I will give you some practical tips on reviving sex drive in a minute, but first you have to be sure that the real problem isn’t that there is a whole lot of unresolved feeling between you both generally.
Good sex cannot be divorced from our feelings. If you have rocks just below the surface in your relationship, you will crash on them unless you make a determined effort to dismantle them.
Don’t get sucked into blaming one another. It doesn’t matter whose fault it was – that’s in the past. Look to the future and see if you can agree together changes you’d both like to make and agree ways to reach your goals.
The feeling of positive energy and force for change may well give a whole boost of its own to your love life. You can help this along by making a special effort to show each other love and appreciation, and by telling each other “I love you” regularly.
Even if it at first it feels like an effort, it’s surprising how often, if you treat someone as if you really appreciate them, then you start to do so – and they feel much more appreciative of you. Those warm feelings make it far easier to get the ball rolling again sexually.
If you find it hard to rediscover physical intimacy, learn massage. To be touched caringly is one of our most basic human needs – as crucial as food and drink – but all too often touching gets cut down to a minimum, even by couples having sex, let alone those whose love life has died away.
Sharing caring, all-over body massage brings great physical pleasure and relaxation to both the giver and the receiver of the massage. It soothes away the cares of the day, which have probably also played a part in wearing down your sex drive, and gets the hormones whizzing round the bloodstream again.
You don’t always want to go on to have sex straight afterwards but when you do make love it will enhance the quality of your physical relationship, make it something special just you two share.
Sensate focus exercises are special techniques devised by sex therapists to help resolve a whole range of sexual problems including loss of sex drive, and you can try these for yourself at home now.
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