A three-in-a-bed session can sound like a lot of harmless fun but I know this issue causes a great deal of unhappiness and conflict between many couples.
The most common situation I hear about from readers seems to be that it’s the man who first raises the idea of the couple taking another man or woman into their bed.
He finds thinking about it very arousing – it’s almost like an extension of reading a sexy magazine or watching a video, a sexual fantasy. He may have been finding his ordinary married or regular sex life a bit dull, so goes on and on at his partner not to be prudish.
She may or may not agree to give it a try but if you are caught in this dilemma, whatever stage you have reached in this, let me suggest you stop right now.
Perhaps there are a few couples who happily manage three-in-a-bed sessions on a regular basis and never let it affect a close and loving relationship, but they are so rare I have never come across them. Yet week after week I hear from couples who have experimented and been made very miserable.
The trouble is that real people don’t behave like the fantasies and usually have very muddled feelings.
A husband who has pushed his wife into making love with another man may then reproach her for being unfaithful to him – “You should have kept saying no,” he moans.
He may say he now feels he can never trust her again and leave – what a way to discover that what was arousing him wasn’t really the idea of “swinging” but old-fashioned sexual jealousy.
Or the woman may decide she’s fallen in love with the other man. We all have some problems in long-term relationships. It’s all too easy to fall for the idea that someone you’re sharing different and exciting sex with would actually be a better life partner, is a lovelier person.
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