Faking orgasm is almost always chalked up as a woman’s white lie. But a man can be just as guilty.
The Orgasm Survey, conducted by economist Hugo Mialon, found that 24 percent — nearly 1 in 4 men — fake the “Big O.”
What’s perplexing is that society doesn’t acknowledge this issue enough. It’s supposedly only “her” problem. So what’s going on with him? And are there ways to have him trigger-happy in the saddle again?
When I was interviewing men for my first book, “The Hot Guide to Safer Sex,” I learned that players and committed men both fake it. Their reasons:
— He feels pressure to perform, including within a set amount of time.
— She’s really trying to please him, but his body isn’t cooperating (known as the “mercy fake”).
— He’s exhausted and faking is his exit strategy to sleep.
— He’s not into the sex and just wants to get it over with.
— He’s feeling sexually inadequate.
— He’s with a new partner and can’t relax.
— He doesn’t find his partner attractive.
— He wants to hide the fact that he’s dealing with a medical or psychosexual problem or a sexual disorder.
— He doesn’t feel emotionally connected to his lover (yes, those men exist!).
— He’s covering up the fact that the relationship is falling apart.
— He doesn’t want to disappoint or hurt his lover. He basically wants approval.
— He’s in the closet about his sexual orientation.
— He feels that his orgasm is a way of proving he’s a man.
— He’s grappling with the cultural shaming that invites feelings that he’s let down himself or his partner.
In most cases, his faking “O” seems chivalrous — until you consider that, as with women, pretending to climax does neither of you any good. It reinforces what not to do. It leaves at least the faker feeling disconnected and isolated from his mate.
Complicating matters even more is that we’ve made it OK for women to fake orgasm. In fact, thanks to the medicine of sex, it’s OK for women to have a problem reaching climax, but not for men.
Hence, with his sexual performance heavily tied into his “manliness,” men are less likely to admit they’re having a sexual problem. The fear that he’s alone on this matter further keeps his mouth shut.
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