But that report was released over 20 years ago, the gender dynamic has changed, and so has the definition of adultery. Historically, the term ‘adultery’ was restricted to “natural heterosexual intercourse”. The focus was on the crime of fooling a husband into maintaining another man’s child — ‘adulterating’ his bloodline, hence the term ‘adultery’.
Today we prefer to use the word ‘infidelity’ and as well as encompassing a host of other sexual activities (as Bill Clinton discovered) it can also include phone sex, internet sex or an ‘emotional affair’ — when a man (or woman) becomes emotionally dependent on a friend or work colleague of the opposite sex. According to the Wall Street Journal, as more and more women work alongside men, ‘the office is the new home-wrecker’.
Many women believe that emotional and intellectual infidelity is far more hurtful and dangerous to a relationship than sexual infidelity, while men seem to be more bothered by the thought of some other man getting hot and heavy with his woman. Research shows that the reason for this difference lies in the uncertainty of paternity and the jealously which can arise when a man suspects he has been ‘cuckolded’.
Studies also show that women are more likely to leave a relationship because of emotional rather than sexual infidelity. A husband’s close relationship with a work colleague — morning coffees, cosy chats over the water cooler, long lunches that aren’t mentioned at home — may cause more real harm to a marriage than a quick fling with a hooker.
Which may explain why Silda Spitzer has decided to remain with her man. By hiring prostitutes — no matter how mind-bogglingly expensive — he was making it clear that it was sex he wanted, not intimacy. And as most women will tell you, there can be a very big difference.
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