We have great expectations of our sex lives these days and worry when things don’t seem to work out as hoped.
I can’t just say, “Do this and do that, and I promise you great sex.” I can suggest some things to try which please many people, but you are much better placed than I to say what in particular will give you pleasure.
Before I say any more, though, I do want to stress that you owe it to yourself to be immensely responsible about who you have sex with.
Sex is valuable, you are valuable, not to be squandered on someone you do not know very well, or who does not care for you. Casual sex brings increased risk of sexual infection and HIV, and of getting your feelings hurt. This applies to men as well as women.
You must also be very responsible about contraception. It is cruel to create babies who aren’t wanted, and by wanted I mean wanted by both of you.
It’s important to use a condom even if the girl is on the Pill, unless you are 100 per cent sure neither of you could be carrying HIV or any other sexual infection.
Now – how to have great sex…. First of all, don’t be afraid to explore your own body and responses – masturbation, in other words. If you learn what type of caresses thrill you, you are much better able to help your partner to give you pleasure.
Assuming that you are making love in a very real sense of the word, then you and your partner should feel comfortable enough together to tell one another what feels good, what turns you on.
There are no firm do’s and don’ts in sex. Nothing is abnormal, or perverted between a loving couple, as long as both enjoy it and neither is hurt, either physically or emotionally.
If you’re not sure what your partner would enjoy, ask. Being in love doesn’t mean you can be a mind-reader. However, it can often help to imagine yourself in the other person’s body and think what you would enjoy now. You’ll probably be right!
You want to bring your partner’s body alive all over. You may well like to start with kissing and caressing, but do not feel that you must move straight on to the obvious sexual areas.
Caress arms, back, legs, experimenting with firm, smooth strokes and light, feathery movements. Kiss face, mouth, ears, neck.
When both of you feel that your skin is alive all over, you can move on to the more obviously sexual areas of stimulation. Caress breasts, stomach, bottom, thighs, particularly the sensitive inner thighs.
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